“I Think We Need Help.”

How to Know When It’s Time to Consider Care at Home

There’s a moment many families recognise.

Not a crisis. Not always a fall. Just a quiet thought. “Something doesn’t feel quite right.”

If you’ve found yourself searching:

• How do I know when my parent needs care at home?
• When should I arrange help for my elderly mum or dad?
• Is it too soon to look into home care?

You’re not alone.

Most families don’t start looking for care because they want to. They start looking because they’re worried.

1. How Do You Know When a Parent Needs Care at Home?

There isn’t a single trigger - but there are patterns. You might notice:

• Small changes in hygiene or appearance
• Missed medication
• Food going out of date
• Increased confusion or memory lapses
• A fall (even a minor one)
• You’re visiting more often “just to check in”
• One parent quietly struggling to cope

Often, the biggest sign isn’t what’s happening to them, it’s how you feel.

If you’re lying awake worrying about their safety, that matters. Care at home doesn’t have to mean full-time support. It can begin with:

• A few hours of companionship
• Help with shopping or housework
• Medication prompting
• Support after hospital discharge

Sometimes the first step is simply light home help for the elderly - not “care” in the heavy sense of the word. Care at home doesn’t have to mean full-time support. It can begin gently with a few hours of companionship, help with shopping, or medication prompting.

‍

2. Starting Care for the First Time: What Families Wish They’d Known

When arranging care for an elderly parent for the first time, families often say: “I wish we’d done this sooner.”

Common misconceptions include:

• Thinking care means a loss of independence
• Believing it has to be full-time
• Assuming a care home is the only option
• Waiting until crisis point

In reality, early support protects independence. It prevents burnout. It keeps routines stable. The best care relationships often begin gently, before exhaustion or emergency forces the decision.

3. How to Talk to a Parent Who Doesn’t Want Help

One of the most searched phrases online is: “What if my parent refuses care?”

This is incredibly common. Most older adults don’t reject help, they reject the idea of losing control. Instead of saying: “You need care.” Try: “Would it help if someone popped in to make things easier?”
Focus on specific tasks, the ability to choose their carer, and the use of trial periods to keep the focus on independence. Support at home is not about taking over. It’s about taking pressure off.

4. Care vs Independence: Is Support ‘Giving Up’?

There’s a fear that arranging care means admitting failure. But the opposite is often true. When support is consistent and relationship-led, it enhances dignity rather than diminishing it.
Home care preserves routines, keeps individuals in familiar surroundings, and reduces risks. Most importantly, it allows you to return to being a daughter, son, or spouse rather than a full-time carer.

5. Is It Normal to Feel Guilty About Arranging Care?

Feeling guilty is normal, but asking for help is not a failure; it is a way to make support sustainable. Many families wait until they reach a breaking point, but the strongest decisions are often preventative ones.

You may feel:

• You should be doing more
• It’s “too soon”
• You’re not coping well enough
• They’ll feel abandoned

But in reality, putting support in place is often what protects your relationship. It allows you to be a daughter, son, wife or husband again; not just the exhausted coordinator of everything. The right help at home doesn’t replace you; it supports you both.

You Don’t Need to Know the Answer Yet

If you’re early in the process, still researching, still unsure, that’s completely normal. You don’t have to decide everything today.

Sometimes the first step is simply understanding your options:

• Visiting care
• Respite care
• Live-in care
• Companion support
• Short-term help after hospital

If something feels off, it’s worth exploring in your own time.

When You’re Ready

At Gladys, we help families arrange personalised home care across: Bath • Bristol • Wiltshire • Bournemouth • Hampshire

We focus on:

• Consistent, 1-to-1 matching
• Transparent pricing
• Fair pay for self-employed carers
• Care that feels human, not transactional

If you’re at the “I think we need help” stage, you’re not behind. You’re exactly where most families start. And we’re here when you’re ready to talk it through.

‍